Lessons Learned

Paper Star Sipping a cup of coffee one cold winter day, I sat in silence as the old timer shared a Christmas story. Sixty years had passed and the old timer never spoke of this particularly cold and lonely Christmas Eve. I looked into his sparking blue-green eyes and I was transported in spirit to a Christmas of his youth. The old timer spoke and I sat in silence sipping my coffee. Sixty years ago, the old timer was just a small boy. A few years previously his mother died. The night of her funeral he started his first job. He knew if he was to eat that he would need to work. His father was a man of intellect and unique ideas.  However, his father suffered from the terrible illness that we call addiction. Consumed by his addiction he left his eight motherless children to meet their own basic needs. The old timer’s eyes glistened as he talked about being home alone on Christmas Eve. He went to the window and wiped the frost from the glass. He looked at the houses around hi...

A Self-Reliant Man Providing for Others On Thanksgiving Day,  my mom called.  I knew when the phone rang that the Lord called my Uncle to build a home in heaven.  Everyday of his life, my Uncle constructed a life on his terms and in his way. Uncle Jim's life is a lesson that often seems lost in America today.  He lived a life based on self-reliance and providing for others.  How many young men today could benefit from embracing a life of self-reliance and providing for others?  My Uncle didn't wait for someone to show him the way.  He cut his own path. My Uncle was a depression era kid.  Like many men his age, he did not have a childhood filled with carefree playing.  Due to harsh childhood conditions, my Uncle left school early to provide for him and others. He would work hard his whole life earning his way in the world. My Uncle went to war.  He was a combat engineer in the World Ward II European Theatre. He earned two Bronze Stars...

Many years ago (1980), I was repairing the roof of a garden shed. The shed belonged to a local minister. The good reverend had a beautiful flower garden. He spent hours tending to his roses. His yard was a rainbow of colors and the air was wet with the fragrance of his work. The good reverend did not always see the beauty of his work. When complimented, he would point out the blight he was fighting or that his new hybrid was not rooting. His only focus was working to grow the best roses possible. He could only see the work left to be done. My dad said that the good reverend stood to close to his flowers to see the beauty of his garden. Rose gardeners and educators have a lot in common. We constantly toil trying to grow a life a little better. We worry about each individual flower in our classroom garden. We fight the blight and lack of nourishment. Gardening and teaching are acts of love and hope. We toil hoping to see the beauty in our work. My dad might be right. Like rose garden...

Thank You for Answered Prayers December, 2008 Experience teaches us what to do when the school is on a boil alert, when a family suffers a loss of a loved one, or when a foster child moves.  We know how to help a family who needs food and how to find a kid a winter coat.   On Friday,  I didn’t know what do when a parent shared her miracle with me. We knew what to do last spring when a caring mom told us her husband left her for her best friend and took the family savings.  We connected her children with the counselor.  Helped her claim homelessness so her students could stay in our school.  New clothes and school supplies magically appeared. The family had enough on there plate when the mom was told she had breast cancer.   Her first concern, as always, was her children.  She communicated with the school, conferenced with her children’s teachers, and assured her family that she would be okay.  She was reluctant to ask for or acc...

Friday Night Arena Watching high school football Friday night, I wanted to tune-up a number of adults sitting around me.  Somewhere in time, society lost perspective in regards to high school sports and extra curricular activities.  Too many people forgot that athletes under the helmets, musicians under hats, and cheerleaders behind pompoms are kids.  The students participating in high school extracurricular activities average age is 16 years old, which by every definition defines them as children. We should be celebrating kids for participating in activities.  They’re learning that success takes preparation, endurance, perseverance and a sense of personal pride.  A kid strapping on a helmet or picking up an instrument is taking a risk to do there personal best in front of peers, family and community members.  I am confidant in stating that no high school student purposely plans on dropping a pass, missing a tackle, or being out of step.  They a...

A Catch from the Heart The sun was just breaking over the tree tops slowly evaporating the dew of cool Monday morning when I walked outside to find a missing student. A crying boy hugging a nerf football as if it was a life line refused to come into school. Sucking his thumb and sobbing, he looked up at me and I could tell by the lack of sparkle in his eyes that somebody had hurt this boy. My heart sank as I walked a hurting boy down to our second grade classroom. After days of following him around on the playground and asking him to play catch, DJ tossed me his football. I caught it and carefully tossed it back. A smile crossed his face as the ball was safely returned to his out stretched arms. DJ was letting me into his world. DJ and I started down a path that day. He would toss me the football and I would toss it back. DJ would borrow school supplies and return them at the end of the day. Our simple game of give and return was building trust. The custodian hired DJ to clean ...

Gradual Release It seems like yesterday that my son’s tiny hand held my finger as we walked along.   Within a few years,  I was walking with my hand on top of a toddler’s head as he scurried along looking at zoo animals.   It feels like it was only a few hours ago that my hand left the back of the bicycle seat as he sped away on a two-wheeler for the first time.  Time moves much to fast. As my son’s teacher, I know that my job is to prepare him for the gradual release of responsibility.   We have repeated the gradual release cycle many times over the past 17 years.  Through demonstration, guided practice, independent practice, and finally application,  he become a licensed driver last fall.  I must admit releasing him to drive was tremendously more stressful then releasing him to ride a bike. Recently, my wife, son and I visited colleges.   He is at the age to choose a profession and place to learn for the next stage of...

The Star Spangled Banner “A True Reflection of American Character” A binding thread in the fabric of the American Spirit is embracing our great nation’s symbols. Our flag, our motto, our national anthem instill a sense of pride and fill us with hope. Some American’s state that our national anthem does not represent the American spirit. As an American, I support their First Amendment Right to state their case for alternative national anthem. Debating opinions and respecting opposing views are true American virtues. God Bless America , America , and America the Beautiful are patriotic, meaningful, and moving. Maybe, one of them would be a powerful and symbolic national anthem. However, I wonder do these songs reflect the true character of Americans. In my humble opinion, The Star Spangled Banner symbolically represents the true character of Americans. Endurance, perseverance, pride and hope are foundational American spirit character traits. The f...

360 + 5 = Miracle Five days does not seen like a lot. The 5 days plus 360 days that went before are tremendous when the child is only seven years old. Sometimes we just don’t know when the miracle will happen. Sometimes the miracle is waiting inside a silent little boy. 365 school days ago, we met a little kindergarten boy. A shy little boy walked into his caring teacher’s classroom. He was part of a kindergarten set of brothers. A little boy did not talk. He sometimes would become so overwhelmed that he would shut down. His caring teacher kept encouraging this boy’s little soul. 185 school days ago, the little silent boy met his thoughtful teacher. A thoughtful teacher collaborated with a team of dedicated people who saw the special child inside the silent boy. The occupational therapist nurtured him by helping with his sensory needs. She made him a special weighted vest with a sheriff’s badge. With his vest and cowboy boots, he was a real treat to watch walking 1 do...

Dear Richard, On the day you were born, I was more scared then a winter rabbit looking a coyote in the eye. The overwhelming responsibility in being a father scared the daylight out of me. So on the first day we met, I made you a simple promise. My promise can be found in your name. You are the third Richard Oxley and my promise was to guide you to become a man of character like your Grandfather. The following are the traits I learned from Grandpa that I see in you. Love your Wife: Grandpa always puts Grandma first. I see this in you by the way you treat your mom. You are always respectful and helpful. You look out for her. How a boy treats his mom is how he will treat his wife. Family First: Grandpa was always there for his family. He attended every event in which his kids participated. He made sure his family always had what they needed. I can always count on you to be there. A Loyal Friend: Grandpa's friends are friends for life....

You Have My Word We fed the kindergartner his breakfast because he refused to eat at home. In first grade his behavior escalated to become injurious to himself and others. He broke his teachers glasses and tried to run across a six lane highway during rush hour. The lost boy was hurting because his mom was incarcerated and his dad was nowhere to be found. In spite of limited academic support at home, he was a learner. His teachers guided his learning and the young boy was a first grade reader and would continue to be a learner throughout his elementary school years. He was a loyal friend and his classmates loved him. For six years, including a year of residential treatment, extraordinary caring educators guided a socially maladjusted hurting child to connect to his heart. Lessons taught about using words and asking for help decreased his injurious and insubordinate behavior. He became a school leader. Then it happened, the anger returned and the principal...

“A Learning Heart” Six years ago, a little girl sat crisscross applesauce in her kindergarten classroom. Her teacher softly said the names of her classmates so she could repeat them. You could see the determination in her sweet eyes as she played the name game with the principal. My young friend is a miracle. At a very tender age, she received life-saving treatment to persevere and recover from cancer. The treatment to save her life impacted her developing cognition and would make learning a challenge. Her life was saved because she is a miracle. Tests can measure a child’s academic progress, but no test can measure a child’s heart for learning. Heart is what a child shows you; heart is what we observe. If a child’s heart could be measured in percentile points this young girl would be the 100 th percentile. She has the greatest heart for learning. You see her heart in a constant positive attitude. Learning is never easy, but you won’t know looking at my friend learn. She acce...

AD-HD: The Rules My brain is like an old eight track tape player that constantly shifts from song to song. I enjoy the fact that as I type this essay that I am thinking about the trellis I am building, the calls I need to make at work, and how I can find time to see to gold-wing warbler at High Banks. I never could understand why everyone wouldn’t want the advance mental state we call AD-HD. I like my brain, but it does drive others crazy. I am impulsive, can’t sit still, constantly talking (not as much as my brother), and I loose items. My office, my workbench, and my car are a mess. My school was broken into a few years ago and the police stated my office was ransacked. I had to explain no it always looks this way. AD-HD is more of a problem for others then those of us with this advance mental state. I think that it is important to offer the “Rules of AD-HD” in case others who would like to evolve to a higher level of brain function: The “Popeye Rule”...

Do we teach so others learn? Do we teach so we learn? I often wonder if I am here to help children learn life changing lessons or am I here to learn life changing lessons from the tender hearts of precious children. Precious children sent to touch our hearts. Children truly teach me more than I will ever teach them. Life lessons taught by resilient children inspire me. I feel blessed to learn from children who approach life obstacles with zeal and optimism. A few years ago, a kindergarten child was hospitalized after a playground accident. I never look forward to visiting someone in the hospital. I feel helpless. Fortunately, my young kindergarten friend made a full recovery. The elevator stopped a few floors below my destination. The doors opened. My heart sank as a young girl, about the age of my son, entered the elevator. She walked with two IV trees. Her hair was patchy. I tried my best to smile. Her spirit was infectious. She greeted everyone in the elevator and her smile was...

My Brown Eyed Girl The cold wind ripped through the winter bare branches. Pins of sleet hit my face as I walked around the corner of Lincoln and Wick. The moonless sky made this bitter night dark and dreary. The frigid wind burned at the tip of my nose and edge of my ears. I sludged along the street dragging a bag of frustrations that were simmering towards boiling into anger. Even though I knew my physical location, I had lost my path and was wondering aimlessly. I was taught to pray in times like this, but it was God with whom I was frustrated. I didn't have enough life experiences to understand that life has moments when love ones suffer with illness, economic downturns challenge families, and struggling to learn makes success sweeter. I didn't pray. I demanded answers. Turning down the Fifth Avenue hill, I descended the wet slippery hill alone in darkness. Through my rain soaked eyes I could see a window light shinning like a lighthouse beacon. Desce...

Attitude If it is to be, it is up to me! Doyt Grandstaff’s character stood taller than most men. His commitment to faith and family stood for others like a beacon on a stormy night. Standing like a rock for your principles was a constant lesson he taught. His word was his promise and his handshake was his contract. In the early 1940’s, Doyt was a basketball and football player at Westerville High School. One hot steamy August day, Doyt and his friends went swimming after football practice. Doyt dove into the water. His body went motionless and he began to sink to the bottom of the old Glengary Pool. The lifeguard dragged him to the edge of the pool and Doyt would never walk again. His spinal cord was injured causing a strong high school athlete to become a quadriplegic. Doy’t’s body was confined to a wheel-chair but nothing could confine his faith, commitment, and desire. He stood tall. Doyt credited an old country preacher who told him that if he was goi...

Learn to Lead Six months ago, I started to plan a project with a simple premise to prepare students for middle school, high school, and post-graduation options by teaching leadership skills. I wanted to provide them with experiences associated with participating in a business breakfast as they learned these skills. Today, students participated in our first "Learn to Lead" business breakfast. About 150 students and some of their parents attended the meeting. They arrived on time with many of them dressed in business casual. Young looking professionals politely visiting as they shared a breakfast with their colleagues. In my arrogance, I thought my students needed to learn how to conduct themselves in such a setting for future success. I should have known better. Today, they became the teacher. 150 students listened attentively and interacted appropriately with our speaker. You could see it in their eyes as they made connections to the diversity presentation. The...

Mother’s Day Hallmark doesn’t sell a card suitable for my Mom. Simple poetic verses by American Greetings are inadequate. You simply can’t buy a card that eloquently says what my Dad knew best. My Dad knew that Mom was the reason that we had a good life. You can’t describe my Mom without mentioning my Dad. eHarmony.com would never had put my parents together, but later on this year if the creek doesn’t rise they will celebrate their 50 th wedding anniversary. What they have is a partnership that capitalizes on the uniqueness each of them brought to their marriage. I never spent one day in doubt that my parents loved each other. My Dad always put my mom first and expected my brother and I to follow suit. My Mom sacrificed. She went with out. In my 48 years, only two sofas and one recliner were in her living room. New things were just not important. She wore the same winter coat for years, but her kids always had a new jacket. My Mom wen...

There is something calming about the woods. My greatest childhood moments were walking through the few acres of secondary growth maples, pin oaks and pines adjacent to my parents yard. An area simply known as “The Woods” if you grew up in the near by neighborhood. Something calms me when I am in the woods. My continuously racing mind slows. My over stimulated senses release and refocus. The changing pattern of the woods limits your vision to your immediate surroundings. The woods makes the business of daily life seems like its miles away. For an Audubon Christmas Bird count, my son walked through the woods with temperatures below zero. The briskness of the air burned the inside of my nose. The snow turning the brown forest floor into a bright white blanket. Something special about the snow covered woods. On a Scout Hike, we left the parking area with temperatures in the eighties to enter into an old growth envelope of green. The temperature dropped. Shade is the greatest...

Nurturing an Eagle's Heart August, 2007 I was once a little boy in my Cub Scout Uniform. My mom held my hand as I crossed the street. She nurtured and loved my tender heart. I am now a young man in a Boy Scout uniform. My mom's hand pinned on my Eagle Scout Medal. Her touch is always kind and caring. My mom taught me by example. My mom showed me how to treat others. My mom taught me the most important lessons. My mom taught me to be: LOYAL to my family and friends; HELPFUL and to do things willingly for others; FRIENDLY and respectful of everyone; COURTEOUS by using good manners; and to be KIND by treating others with care, I love my caring mom. I am now a young man in a Boy Scout Uniform I am no longer a little boy whose hand she holds. I am a young man whose heart she nurtures and loves. -Richard Doyt Oxley, Eagle Scout

How Can I help you? How can I help you? Compassionate, empathetic teachers intuitively ask this question. School supplies, a warm coat, or snack is bought with their own resources because no child should be without. Time before school, during lunch or after school is routinely volunteered to help a struggling child. Teachers help even if they are not asked. How can I help you? is a question asked thousands of times by a teacher we affectionately call “Mother Theresa.” Each year a young adult stands in my office asking if they can visit their former teacher. Where once stood a scared or struggling child now stands a confident young adult. They come back to share their latest accomplishment, their fiancé or a new baby. She greets them with the same smile they fondly remember from their fifth grade teacher. “How can I help you?” is a question Mrs. Miller-Wiard asked a young lady this week. Her tender heart let go of the burden as she told her teacher “my mo...